I almost got into a car accident today. It was absolutely terrifying. No damage was done, thankfully, but I feel like an idiot for being in such a careless mindset and awful for putting a friend in danger. I don’t know what I would have done if someone was hurt because of me. I was lucky and I don’t know if this was maybe some sort of post-Christmas miracle or if someone is watching...
Portlandia is on netflix and now the world isn't...
I bought flowers for my mom earlier cause she and broham come back from vietnam today (!!!!) and when the florist asked me if it was for my girlfriend or something I said it was for my boyfriend just to see what her reaction would be like. She got super happy-faced and started asking me how long we’ve been together and what the occasion was and it just made me feel really good that it put...
It's amazing how much more attractive holding a...
Sorry I’m not sorry.
Nicki Minaj - Stupid Hoe
Daniel Craig can get it.
While buying popcorn at the movies earlier the guy...
He wants me.
You're cute and last.fm says our compatibility is...
Uhm… why aren’t we fucking dating?
When your mexican friends put "jajaja" on their...
W: Oh you got me a present! You totally didn't need to.
Me: Course I did! Merry christmas!
W: I wonder what it is. Can I open it? It's cold and hard...
Me: juuuuust like your heaaaart!
Me: I.. I'm sorry...
I think that was my first reblog from Jedd without...
thedailywhat: Heartwarming Tearjerker of the Day: Santa brings one good little girl from North Carolina a very special surprise: Her dad, home from Iraq, in a Santa costume. [cbsnews.] holy shit the tears right now.
Ugh facebook keeps telling me I have all these notifications but when I click on it NOTHING new appears and it’s seriously so sad that A) my life revolves around facebook updates and B) it knows this and is toying with me Whatever, face-bitch.
Hey Doug, think fast.
T: Hey, I gotta go. Do you have BBM?
Doug: Oh, yeah. Definitely.
T: Awesome, what is it?
T: You don't know..? Wait, you don't even have one, do you? Do you even know what it is?
D: Big... bowel movement?
T: Doug, what the fuck.
B+ IN ENGLISH I AM GOING TO DESTROY EVERYTHING
worst dream come true: having just one gift left...
dillsyrydur replied to your photoset all the photos are so good! all thanks to you!
We saw this gorgeous man ice skating earlier and were ogling him all night but he had a girlfriend and they were skating together and swirling together and kissing together and I just wanted to end her. but it’s christmas and they were cute and i just couldn’t do anything about it. regardless, i was ready to jump his bones.
How I would flirt with my cashier:
Her: Hi! How are you?
Me: Good, and how are you?
M: Yeah... how are these holiday sales going?
H: They're so busy!
I splurged and spent like 200 dollars at Gamestop.
my bank account is crying.