Ya know what would be kinda scary?
If you hear your dog scratching at your door to let it in and you get up, but right as you grab the door knob you think, what if it’s not my dog
Laurel I read that story you reblogged about...
claudinsky asked: You know what, I think you're super cool, I actually laugh wholeheartedly at all of your personal text posts, you're great. /crawls back into shadows
I have the entire house to myself for the weekend...
[[MORE]] it means i can have porn up AS LOUD AS I WANT!
Things I've said in the past 48 hours:
“I actually met up with the dude whose wiener touched my wiener.”
I can't even tell you how many Asian girls took...
AY YOU MOTHERFUCKERS STOP MESSING WITH KOREAN JESUS HE AIN’T GOT TIME FOR YOUR SHIT HE GOT KOREAN SHIT TO DO
First took my brother to Magic Mike and now rented...
Always making good decisions…
alliealliecat replied to your post: so i’ve been meaning to tell you that i only recently realized your name was made up of three words. i used to read it as uhgolduss and thought “das a weird ass name but is aight i like dis nigga”. I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS AN ANAGRAM WHOA
alliealliecat asked: so i've been meaning to tell you that i only recently realized your name was made up of three words. i used to read it as uhgolduss and thought "das a weird ass name but is aight i like dis nigga".
ukelaurel replied to your photoset: I’m illustrating all my slides for my presentation… of course your homework involves candy
g-dragqueen: butts butts buttsbuttsbuttsbutts buttsbuttsbuttsbutts buttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbutts buttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbutts buttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbutts buttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbuttsbutts ...
Scheduling classes always comes with lots of "What...
It’s like the package sent from hell.
mamas-kumquat replied to your post: All of my most profound thinking always happens while I’m on the toilet. in the shower for me.. in the toilet i’m just focussing on placing the perfect shit so as to not get the splash onto my cheeks “focusing on placing the perfect shit”
All of my most profound thinking always happens...
everyone: oh you poor sweet thing don't cry you're okay
me: shut the fuck up take it outside why do people keep having these things
My first day of work is tomorrow and honestly, I...
*Private* group talk.
Girl in group: Ya know what tastes gross?
Me: hahaha just kidding, it's actually not bad.
Me: haha that's also a joke! aw jeez i'm awful
Professor: What the fuck, doug.
I was peeling a hard boiled egg over the trash can...
People in the Bay Area
50 Degrees: ITS HELLA COLD.
75 Degrees: ITS HELLA HOT.
So I got my first booty call a while ago and...
Him: hey so the bed at this hotel's as comfy as they advertised; what're you doing tonight? ;)
Me: oh uhhh
Me: I went to this seafood place yesterday
Me: and I have these really bad stomach aches...
Me: ...I think I have the runs
thequeenoftacos: if ironman and the silver surfer teamed up they would be alloys