I left a condom wrapper on the floor a while ago, and Abraham found it and...
- A: Hey Doug?
- Me: yeah?
- A: What kind of candy is durex?
A little while ago, Broham, my dad, and I got pho for dinner and we made him give his order to the waiter since he has this thing with being too afraid to talk to people. Now, normally when you order the combination pho it has tendons in it, but this is the conversation that ensued:
Me: okay, tell him what you want
Broham: okay, i’ll have the combination pho
M: and I’ll have th-
B: wait wait wait!
B: can i change something?
B: I don’t want testicles
Dad, our waiter, and I: ….
B: What? I don’t like testicles in my soup
We just got a new iPad with Siri on it and Broham's having fun.
- Him: Siri, how far is California?
- Me: you're gonna have to be a little more specific than that, dude. tell her from where.
- Him: oh right, sorry. Siri, how far is california from here?
- Me: ....
- Broham: What was wrong with V the other night? She kept saying her stomach hurt
- Me: Oh, nothing. She was just on her period.
- B: She still gets that? I thought girls stopped after highschool!
- M: naw buddy, that doesn't happen til like, 50.
- B: REALLY?! That sucks! Man, I'm so glad boys finish at 18
- M: what.
- B: That's when you stopped right?
- M: ...having periods?
Guess who's back!
- Broham: hey doug can i ask you something?
- Me: what's up?
- B: do you know what a boner is?
- M: N-no..
- B *whisper*: it's when your weewee gets hard. why does that happen?
- M: oh it's because it's a muscle. it gets hard when you work it out
- M: okay okay, i'm just kidding. it's because blood circulates into it
- B: EWWW. REALLY?
- B: IT'S BLOOD?
- B: I THOUGHT IT WAS BECAUSE THERE'S ICE IN THERE
- B: WHAT'S BLOOD DOING IN THERE
Pffft.
- Me: hey, do you wanna go to mcdonalds or subway?
- Broham: i dunno, you choose.
- M: mcdonalds it is.
- B: of course. you always choose unhealthy food!
- M: FINE, then you don't have to eat! you don't even have to go!
- B: BUT I LOVE MCDONAAALDS!
I took Abraham out to dinner the other night because I am a damn good brother and somehow we ended up talking about swag. Here’s how the conversation went:
Him: Do you know what swag is?
Me: (in my head: omg another shit my brother says moment) No, what?
Him: it means Something We Asians Got!
Me: T___T I don’t think that’s right.
Him: Oh yeah, it also means Something We Americans Got!
Me: 
Take that, economy.
- Broham: Why is everyone so poor now?
- Me: Cause the economy's so bad.
- B: Kinda like how the government keeps buying weapons right?
- Me: right...
- B: Stupid economy!
- B: Wait, they're the bad guys right?
